One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
