If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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