you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
