I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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