she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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