Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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