I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
