Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
