is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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