its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
