I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
