It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
