I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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