I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
