Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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