Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
