Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
