finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
