remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
