like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
