explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
