my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
