the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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