Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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