I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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