She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
