can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
