apparently the secret to your success is patron
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
