he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
