So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please don't give away my fajitas
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
