My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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