the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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