I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
