I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
