I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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