Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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