So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
