I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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