@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
