sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
