imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
