I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize