How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
