I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize