Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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