Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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