I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
