I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
