if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
