32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
