Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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