At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Randomize
