Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
