hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
