Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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