apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
