do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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