p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
