Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize