loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
