Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
