oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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